One Day
by www.Wrathchan.com
Summary: Wanna know how the homunculi die? DO YAH? Well, read to find out! NOW! hah review too, I know you'll just HAVE to! spoilers I suppose. It's officially COMPLETE! wheeOOO!
1. Envy

One day, Envy was walking along the road. "I'm bored he said to himself." Then, he took out a jar of peanut butter and ate it with a spoon. "I sure do love peanut butter!" he said. "Yummy in my tummy!"

"KWAMASHA SALSA BOP!" said a loud noise from behind. "Hmm?" Envy questioned, turning around. "AAAAAAAAH!"

And, FLUMP! There was a bird in his hair. "THE BRITISH ARE COMING! THE BRITISH ARE COMING!" the bird screeched. "AAAH! SHIT! THERE'S A BIRD IN MY HAIR! AAAH!" He screamed. "As ma would tell me, when there's something in your hair, you gotta use peanut butter to get it out…"

"YOU'RE MOM GOES TO COLLAGE!" The bird screamed. "OH NO YOU DI-INT!" Envy screeched. "SHU-UH!" He began swatting the bird. "GET OUT! OUT! OUTTTTT!" he yelled. And…POP!

"Huh?"

The bird…had just layed an egg…in Envy's hair. "Food, yes?" the bird said. Then, it flew off.

Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! "WOAH!"

"I know what kind of bird this is…it's a…a…OH NO! It's a Mexican!"

"Hola I'm Dora!" said a bird. Envy fell to his knees. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-ahem-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he screamed in slow motion.

"Envy…" said a voice from the shadows. "There is only one thing you can do…"

"What's that?" Envy asked. "……use the force…" the shadow bowed, and backed away into the darkness. "The force….the force…YES! THE FORCE!"

Pewp! "STOOPEED BIRD! MY HEAD IS NOT TO BE CRAPPED ON!"

The bird started crying. "I WANT FOOD!" it screamed. "NOW!" it yelled. "OH MY GOD, I'M FRICKIN' HUNGRY! FEED ME, WOMAN!"

Envy sweat dropped. "Why you…"

Just then, as Envy was about to smite the bird, an angel and devil appeared on his shoulders. "Oh, come on! You can't kill the poor thing!" said the Envy angel. "Yes! Yes you can! SEND IT TO HELL SO I CAN EAT IT LIKE A MARSHMELLOW!" the Envy devil screeched.

"That's a sin!"

"Hey, uh…I am a sin." Said Envy.

"Oh…oh yea…damn." The angel said. Just then, a little boy came walking up to Envy with an ice cream cone. "You want some, lady?" he asked, holding up the ice cream cone. Envy nodded. "Sure—hey, wait! Did you just call me lady!" Envy screamed. The little boy nodded. Envy raised his hand, ready to hit the boy. "Okay, what flavor is it?" he asked. "CHERRY! AND CHERRY IS FOR STRAIGHT PEOPLE, SO YOU CAN'T HAVE IT! Here, I'll go pick up some tree fertilizer from Home Depot for you!"

Envy's eyes lowered. "What'd you say, punk?"

"I'M HUNGRY! FEED ME, BITCH!" the bird screamed again. Envy ignored it, and faced the boy again. Much to his surprise, the little boy was gone. "Damn…and I would have gotten away with it to, if it weren't for you kids and your dumb dog!" he screamed.

"I SAID I'M FRICKIN' HUNGRY! IF YOU WON'T FEED ME, I'LL JUST HELP MYSELF!" The bird screamed again. CHOMP! "YOWWW!" Envy screeched. "WHAT THE HELL!"

CHOMP! CHOMP CHOMP!

And that's how Envy died…

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HAH! Whew! Well, I wrote it in about 30 minutes. Written for Feral Alchemist. Enjoy!


	2. Pride

One day, Pride was bored. He decided he was going to go shopping, because he was just dying to get the newest Polly Pocket doll. So, he went to a local WalMart, and headed for the toy aisle. He dove for the last remaining doll on the shelf, only to be punched my Bart Simpson, who then stole the doll "IT'S MINE, ASS! DEAL WITH IT!" Pride is now experiencing the emotion of greif.

"My dear Polly...I let you slip right out of my hands!" he said dramatically. "I---I'll never forget you P-Polly...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" (slow motion). Then, Pride fell to the ground in anguish. Then a WalMart co-worker walked down the aisle. "Can I help you sir?"

Pride looked up. "P-Polly...she's---"

"MOOOOOOOOOOO!" said the co-worker.

"Nevermind." said Pride as he stood, then he wandered further and further down the toy aisle. It kept getting darker and darker. Pride turned around, and there was no exit. When he turned around again, he found himself in a graveyard. He quivered. "Uhh..." he said as he kept walking, but tripped over something.

"HEY! Watch where you're going pipsqueak!" Said Pride to the thing he tripped over. Then, a little Italian man wearing blue overalls and a red shirt stood up. He had a red hat that had an "M" on it.

"WHO YOU A-CALLIN' A CANOLI SO A-TINY ME MAMA AND A-PAPA SAT ON HIM AND A-SQUISHED HIM!" The man screamed. Pride backed away. Then, the Italian man started swearing, and a fat turtle came and ate him.

Then, Black Hayate ran up and jumped onto Pride's head. "What the----off mutt!" said Pride swatting at him. Hayate fell, and ran away. For some reason, Pride followed. He found Black Hayate curled up in a sleeping Hawkeye's arms. Pride was shocked. "Hawkeye?" Pride asked. She woke up and started screaming at

him. "GET OUTTA MY HOUSE!" Screamed Hawkeye.

"You're house?" Pride asked.

"Oh, yeah...I sleep in graveyards...I am not wrong..." Riza defended. Pride raised an eyebrow. "Ooookay...?"

Just then, the turtle that ate Mario came. "FEAR ME! MY NAME IS OPRAH, AND I SHALL SMITE YOU!" the turtle screamed at Pride. Pride bent down, and patted Oprah's back. "There there, little Oprah turtle. Don't be afraid." he said. "NO! BE AFRAID!" Oprah screamed, as she dragged him into a random black hole. As she entered the black hole, she said something odd. "Tetsaiga...sword of ultimate power..."

"What?"

"It's NAAAHTING!" Oprah replied. "Oh...okay then." said Pride. When they landed (as if they were falling in the first place), they found themselves in a room filled with skulls. Pride freaked out. "M-MOMMY!"

"You're mom goes to collage." said Oprah via chapter one.

Pride began crying. "That's right. She does..." after that, silence filled the air, and it smelled STANKY! "Hey..." said Oprah. "What?"

"LOOK!" she screamed, disappearing. Pride turned around. "Oh my god...I see...red (RRRREB) eyes...yes...there's some form of beast here!" he screamed. A

voice spoke from the shadows. "Come...sacrifice!"

Pride started shaking. "Y-yes...?" he said, scooching closer. "Do you know...who I am?"

"I'm afraid I don't recognize your voice..." Pride said. The monster roared. "FOOL!" a figure emerged. "I am..." the creature spoke, but was cut off by Pride. "HOLY CRAP! YOU'RE AVRIL LEVINE! OH PLEASE, HAVE MERCY!" he bowed. "NEVER!" she screamed, spraying his eyes with pepper spray. "Ayee...not cool! Now I'm blind!" Pride screamed. Avril started laughing. "BWAHAHAH! NOW YOU CANNOT SEE WHAT'S COMING NEXT!"

"What's that?" Asked Pride.

Avril smirked, and cleared her throat. "OHHH...WHY'D YEW HAVE TEW GOAH AND MAKE THEENGS ZOH COMPLICATED!"

Pride screamed. "Ayee...not cool! Now I'm deaf!"

"BWAHAHAAH! NOW YOU CANNOT HEAR OR SEE WHAT'S COMING NEXT!" she shouted, evily. "Oh no..." Pride cried. "Oh yes..." said Avril, as she took out her guitar, and started tuning it. Then, she screamed. "HIYAAAAAAAA!" And whacked him with her guitar via FLCL.

AND THAT'S HOW PRIDE DIED!

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lol...well, I was actually tired when I wrote this. Hmm...hope yah like it! R&R!


	3. Lust

One day, Lust was wrestling a bear (ow), because, well, she felt like it. After the bear was defeated, a little indian boy ran up to her, and started dancing. Lust joined him. After the dance, the indian boy caught on fire, and evaporated. So then, Lust walked around, and somehow ended up in a nail salon (these things happen...). A Chinese lady grabbed her arm, and sat her down.

"Would you like a manicure, pedicure, or a dumpling!" she asked.

"DUMPLING! KWEE!" screamed Lust. The lady slapped her hand. "NO DUMPLING FOR YOU!"

Lust began crying, until a baseball came flying through the air, hitting her on the head. "OWWW!" she screamed.

The Chinese lady began to file her nails. "Deez nails ah bery lawng..."

"I'm sorry, what?" Lust asked, unable to comprehend what the lady said.

The woman looked up, and had red eyes, pale skin, and very long black hair. "SEVEN DAYS!" she screeched. "Whaaaa?"

"SEVEN DAYS!"

"What thuuuh---"

**"SEVEN DAYS!"**

"OKAY, GEEZ, I FRIGGIN GET IT! SEVEN FREAKIN DAYS! SO WHAT!"

The woman smiled. "I'm sorry, ma'am, did I just turn psycho on you?"

"Yeah, but that's alri----WHAAAAAAAAAA!" Lust yelled.

Her nails had been COMPLETELY...CHEWED off... "Nails go...GREAT with...dumpiling...s..." said a random person behind her. "Who the hell are you?" asked Lust. "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW!" the person asked.

(Lust: O.O) "Uhhh...okay, then...WHAT'D YOU DO TO MY FREAKIN NAILS!" she screamed. The woman who had chewed her nails off had turned into a lemon, so Lust threw her into a bucket.

Then, Lust's nails started bleeding. "YEW GIT OWT OV MAI NAEL SALAWN!"

"Whaa---"

"OWT!" the lemon screamed, pushing her out the door, and into the street. A car was coming. "Oh, shit!" Lust screamed. "I'm too lazy to move!"

So, the car ran her over... "Geez...I SOOOOO deserved that!"

Then, she died!

AND THAT'S HOW LUST DIED!

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Pointless...absolutely pointless...OH WELL R&R, BECAUSE I LOVE REVIEWS...unless you piss me off, that is. You won't like me when I'm angry... -tries to transform- Crap...Well...I'M STILL EVIL! -disappears into bowl of pudding-


	4. Wrath

One day, Wrath was beating up a hobo for spitting on the shoes he would have been wearing if he was wearing shoes (what?). The whole time he was beating up the homeless dude, he was all "A HAT! A HAT! A HAAAAAAAAAT!"

The hobo threw up for no reason, and then drove away with Elvis Presley. "I like bagels..." said Wrath, and then, flew away. When he arrived at the bagel store, he smashed the window open, and walked through the door. "Hi, I'd like to order a...umm...hmm...OAH I KNOWWW! I WANT CHRISTOPHER CYLOMBIS!"

The cashier paused. "Excuse me, but you spelled 'Columbus' wrong, so you gotta pay doub--"

"PISS OFF, GRANDPA! Y-Y-You know...YOU ARE SUCH AN ARROGANT BITCH, JULIE!" Wrath shouted. "My name is Tim!" The cashier said defencively. "Oh SURE! That's what CARMEN said toooo! Trend-setting little..."

"Calm down, sir...I don't want to have to call---" the cashier started but was cut off "CALL WHAT! THE AUTHORITIES! AH HAH! AH HAHA HAH!" Wrath screamed, foaming. The cashier reached for the phone. "Hello, 911? Hi, I have a drunk seven-year-old...yeah...yeah...okay...alright, thanks...I love you tooooo! ah hheehehe!" Everyone was staring at the cashier. "uhh..." he started. "Bye..." and hung up. "ahemm...whaaaat!"

Wrath on the other hand, was eating a tub of tookie doah! "YUMMO!" he belched. Then, the authorities came. "Alright, you're coming with us..."

"WHAT! Oh...Oh NO you didn't Julie! Y----YOU LITTLE BITCH! YOU'LL HEAR FROM MY LAWYER!" Wrath screamed as he was taken away. "I told you, my name is Tim!" the cashier said, as the doors shut.

"WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME! WHEEEERE!" Wrath shouted. "Oh, for godsake! SHUT THE HELL UP!" the guy screamed, as he tranquilized Wrath. "Ow...you suck." he said, and then fell asleep.

When he woke up, he was someplace he didn't recognize... "Oh no..." he said. "I'm...I'm...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Children were everywhere, pulling his hair, shoving pizza into his mouth. He ran. "OH NO! NOT THIS PLACE!" he ran, and ran, and eventually ended up on a stage with a mechanical rat. "AAAAAAAAAAH!" The rat took out a baseball bat. "I am a rat...and this is my bat...PERSIH!" it said, and swung the bat at Wrath. Wrath ducked, and jumped away. The rat's eyes narrowed. "I'm coming for you, child!"

Wrath ran all around, and ended up in a ball pit. He was curled up into a ball. "He won't find me...I'm not gonna die...I'm not--huh?"

Some little kid was coming through. He had snot all over himself. "HI!" he said obnoxiously. "AAAAAAAAAH!" Wrath ran, and the rat saw him. "I'll smite you!" he roared, and fired laser-beams at Wrath. Wrath jumped...and jumped...and jumped.

Eventually, he couldn't jump anymore, and tripped. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he fell, and the rat shot him. He started foaming. "You...bastard! AAAAAH!"

Then, the rat started singing and dancing. "Chuckie's party! You can be a star! Chuckie's party! PARTY CHUCKIE! Chuckie Cheeses!" Then he blew up. Some dumbass kid poked him, and got electricuted, and----that's not important...what is, however is...

THAT'S HOW WRATH DIED!

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okay, that was hard, because I love Wrath, and it's hard to write about him dying at Chuckie Cheeses...but I did it for love! Can ya blame me! R&R!


	5. Sloth

One day, Sloth was chewing on a pinecone, when the dogcatcher came, and took her away. She cried like a freakin whale. Then, a moose chewed through the bars, and set her free. "Thanks, moose!" said Sloth. The moose punched her. "I'M A FREAKIN CAMEL!" then, Sloth ran away, and the 'camel' shouted. "BEEEEEEEEEEEE FRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Sloth tripped, and fell into a playdoh container.

Then, she was shipped to France, where a little boy named Simon bought her, and took her out of the container. As he started shaping her into a ball, she shouted "LIKE, HOH MY GAWDMM, OWWW!" Then, the little boy died of cancer, even though he didn't have it.

Sloth blinked, and when she opened her eyes, everything was in color. She picked up her scottie dog. "Black Hayate...I don't think we're in Central anymore..." she said. "Who the hell are you?" Asked Hayate. Sloth screamed and dropped the dog.

Three midgets appeared, who all looked like a miniature version of Havoc. "Who...?" Sloth started.

The midgets threw her a cigarette. "What the---?"

"We are from the cigarette guild! Now we shall sing."

He sighed. "...We represent the Cigarette Guild, The Cigarette Guild, The Cigarette Guild! And in the name of the Cigarette Guild, We wish to kick you out of Midgetland. We'll kick you out of Midgetland, Tra la la la la la la! Now your life is history. Now it's history, now it's history, now it's history. And we will put your life to shame. You will choke of fumes, choke on fumes, choke on fumes! In the Hell of Flames!"

Sloth twitched. "And to officially kick you out of Midgetland...our king must sign a contract!"

"Your king?" asked Sloth

The Havoc midget smirked. "OHHHH KIIIIIIIIIII-IIIIIIIIING!" he screeched. Just then, a green tube appeared, and fog drifted everywhere in Midgetland. Slowly, a figure emerged from the tube. "I am the amazing king of Midgetland...the ruler of all midgets...THE AMAZING EDWARD ELRIC!"

Sloth sighed. "No worries, I'll just step on you..." she smirked.

Edward's eyes narrowed. "Step on me? STEP ON ME!" he began laughing. "What's so funny, king of twerps?" Edward pushed a button, his shoes rose. "NOW I'M A TALL AS SHAQUE (Shaque?)!" Sloth's eyes grew small. "Uhh...bye!" she ran away. "Haha! You can't catch me! I'm running along the purple brick street!" Sloth kept running and running, and tripped and fell on her face. "Crap..."

Then, she was attacked by the mini-Havocs, and made into ice cream, (from which I am high off of right now) and then she was sold to Dairy Queen (Yes, that _is_ what they put in their ice cream...j/k) There, she expired.

AND THAT'S HOW SLOTH DIED!

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YAY ICE CREAM! ...I have spoken! R&R


	6. Gluttony

One day, Gluttony was attacking a candy corn, when he suddenly felt the need for ice cream (YAY!). So, he did what anyone would do. He rode on a sheet of paper to Dairy Queen! He ordered a pickle-flavored ice cream. Pickles are bumpy!

Then, Gluttony stared at the ice cream, sniffed it, and said "I LOVE YOU MORE THAN BUNNIES! TEE HEE!" Akward? Why yes...

Then, he ate it, only later to realize that the ice cream he ate was expired. "Ow.." said Gluttony. "My tummy..." After that being said, the pilsbury doah boy started chewing on Gluttony's thumb, and Gluttony threw up his expired ice cream on him, in addition with his mom. The pilsbury doah boy sizzled up and died. "MOM! I MISSED YOU!" said Gluttony. His mother was a middle-aged man. "What the hell! I'm not your mom!" he shouted. Gluttony cired. "Oh, really?" he asked. The guy nodded. "...okay! Bye-bye!" he said. Then, Gluttony ate him again!

The guy turned out to be Flava Flav, so Gluttony was sued, but then ate everyone on the jury, and had the judge for dessert. Then, he went to a soccer game, and ate pockey.

After throwing up again, he was bored, so he ate a telescope. "Hi my name is Hilary Duff, I suck. Would you like a piece of pie!" said someone. Gluttony turned around and started talking to a trash can. Then, the police arrested him, and he cried again.

Poor Gluttony...

When he went to jail, he met Michael Jackson. "Me thoughts she won trial!" said Gluttony. Michael gave Gluttony a cross look. "Yeah, but then I stole some girls pony and gave it to my mom. Then she hit me, so I shot her."

"Oh..." said Gluttony. "AAAH! IT'S EMERALD!" he screamed.

"BAM!" Emerald shouted, taking out a gun. Gluttony twitched, and jumped down a well. "bye, bye! Take care!" said Michael. "WE GONNA KICK IT UP ANOTHA NOTCH!" After that, there were screams, and everybody died.

yay

After he hit the bottom of the well, Gluttony saw an acorn. "Hi!" it said in an annoying voice. "Helllo...who are you?" asked Gluttony. "My name is..."

"ARNOLD SHWARTSINAGAAA!"

Gluttony ate the acorn. Then, he drew a picture of himself eating an acorn with his feet. After that, Gluttony climbed up the well, hitting some ugly little girl with black hair who was also crawling up the well back down on his way up oh my god that doesn't make any sence. When Gluttony came to the top, there was some ugly lady with black hair singing with a bunch of forest animals. "Who you?" asked Gluttony

"My name is Snow White. I'm the fairest of them all!" said the woman. Gluttony drooled, and then ate her. "DOOOOOOD!" screamed one of the dwarfs. "He, like, TOTALLY just ate her! Let's party!"

Then, the dwarfs started surfing. Gluttony ate them too, because they were stupid.

After that, Gluttony walked around for a while, and was eventually back where he started. "MY CANDY CORN!" he shouted. Then, as he was about to go back to attacking the candy, he splodieses...

AND THAT'S HOW GLUTTONY DIED!

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Pockey...it good...


	7. Greed

One day, Greed was eating scrambled eggs he stole from a snowman, when a very short man walked up to him. "Why hello!" said Greed. "Good day, sir. My name if Frodo Baggins, and I love you!"

Greed twitched. This stuff happens. Hokai, so eventually, Greed ends up stealing crack from a police officer, and shoving it in Frodo's pocket, and then the police arrested him. Yay, but that has nothing to do with bicycles. It just doesn't, OKAY!

Then, a cell from inside Greed's body started yelling at him for being a racist. "tayta tot!" said the cell, and then, it was shot by a ufo from the inside of Greed's brain. Suddenly, Greed had this awful urge to ride a horse. So he did.

After the horse, he went to the hospital to kill people, but they wouldn't let him in, because he was wearing black. Greed punched them, and then went to go get stoned with the FBI.

yay

Greed bought a hat...

Greed wore the hat...

Then, Greed bought a pencil...and after that, a rubber band. Then, he gave his pencil and rubber band to an Elephant, but not the hat, because he was emotionally attached to it.

Kudos for Greed...

Greed went back to first grade. There, he drew a finger painting of some dead guy coming back to life, and then eating a lot, and then going back to his house, and paying his bills, and eating an apple, and then being shot by his own mother. DUN DI DUN DI DUNNNN!

Then, the teacher killed him, but he didn't die, because his death has to be better than that, what?

After that, Greed went to Donkey Kong town, and ate a naner...

wheeeOOO!

When he walked out of the Shamu store, he saw a green balloon. He popped it. "OPOPSO! Someone's been a very messy Donkey...kong..." then, Greed flew away with Peter Pan. "WE CAN FLY, WE CAN FLY, WE CAN FLY, WE CAN FLY WE CAN FLLLLL----shit...I'm running outta fuel...BYE!" Greed shouted. As Greed fell, Peter Pan spit on him. "I LOVE YOU TOO!"

Then, when Greed hit the ground, he mordered Spongebob in a most terrible way. But I'm not going to tell you, because I don't want to...okay? Alright, cool...

As Greed was walking...yes, he was walking...like we do...we walk...yep...we sure do... (-slaps self in face-) As he was walking, he found a Hot Wheels car on the ground. Then, he ate it.

After that...something terrible happened...

GREED...SLIPPED...

ON A TIC TAC! OAH NO! THE TRAGETY!

Who gives?

THAT'S HOW GREEDO-SAN DIED!

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After that, Wrath noticed something...I'M OUT OF PEOPLE TO TORTURE! -life ends-

I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED MY SOOPER-DEE-DOOOOPER SPOILERS! (not really, I just made it up when I was high...per...)


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